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finelife
Newbie
Posts: 7
Registered: 05-17-2004 Location:
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posted on 06-17-2004 at 09:47 |
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It's interesting
Keeping Yourself and Your Partner Healthy
Introduction
Each sex-positive community in this country has had a different response to the AIDS crisis, and in the face of a very frightening disease it is hard for me to fault people for acting irrationally sometimes. However, I believe the time has come for a more intelligent, pleasure-positive, and long-term response to STDs (of all kinds) than "excluding bisexual men," "inquiring about sexual histories and hoping for the truth," "trying to reassure yourself about how few people in your community you think are infected right now," "stigmatizing anal play," etc.
Learning to use latex and water-based lube skillfully may take a little practice, and ultimately it is up to you and your partner whether you will follow some or all the precautions I'm going to describe. However, try to keep in mind some of the payoffs: increased protection from disease, increased peace of mind, increased protection against pregnancy when another form of birth control (such as the pill) fails, and greater ease in interacting with younger swingers who may have never known a time when they haven't felt it necessary to use latex.
The Basics
Put simply, the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthy when swinging is to use latex condoms for intercourse; this practice is now extremely common in the swinging community, and is often expected.
All condoms are not made alike; men should experiment with different brands until they find the one they like best (my preference is Kimono MicroThins, which also taste fine for fellatio if you get them without Nonoxynol-9). When you put on a condom, pinch its tip as you unroll it (all the way down!) to prevent an air bubble from forming in the reservoir tip. For intercourse, you should then put some water-based lube (such as I-D, ForPlay, Wet, or Astroglide) on the outside of the condom for comfort, mutual pleasure, and to keep the condom from tearing during sex.
For a while, health experts were recommending that people use condoms and water-based lubes with Nonoxynol-9 to help guard against HIV transmission; current evidence suggests that, in the real world, N-9 is not nearly as good at HIV prevention as it has proved to be at contraception. Also, many women are allergic or sensitive to N-9, and it tastes horrid. For these reasons I only purchase products without N-9, but of course the choice is yours.
It should be obvious that a new condom needs to be put on for each new partner. If you're going to switch from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, you should also put on a new condom (doing otherwise can cause vaginal infections - similarly, you shouldn't put any fingers that used to be in an anus in a vagina without first washing your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap).
Some men find that more sensation is transmitted to them if they put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of their condom before putting it on.
Oral Sex
Opinions differ on the use of safer-sex barriers for oral sex. It is clear that herpes can be easily transmitted during unprotected oral sex, but some people argue that if herpes sores aren't visible on either partner and neither partner believes he or she is infectious, that the risk of transmission is low. There ARE recorded cases of HIV being transmitted via oral sex, but many swingers dismiss this concern because the risk of transmission via this route is apparently low, and because (in their opinion) HIV is not widespread in their community. Ultimately, it is up to each of us to set our personal standards for risk, and it is not my place to dictate what yours should be.
If you choose not to use barriers when performing oral sex, you can make things safer for yourself by not having flossed your teeth immediately before the party (which can make the gums less able to keep pathogens out of the bloodstream), by not letting men come in your mouth, by not performing cunnilingus on a woman while she is menstruating, and by knowing what herpes sores look like (herpes transmission is most likely when either sores or the tingling sensation that precedes the sores is present).
If you decide your personal standards include using barriers for oral sex, this will mean using latex condoms for fellatio (choose a brand without Nonoxynol-9) and either saran wrap or one of those "Glyde" or "Lixx" oral sex barriers for cunnilingus (put a drop of water-based lube on your partner's side of the barrier to increase the sensation transmitted to her).
The use of barriers for oral sex is not widespread in the swinging community, but if you and your partner decide your safer sex standards include using them you'll probably find that the concept is not that difficult to explain to people.
Hands
If you've had your fingers in someone's vagina or ass, or had someone come on your hands, it's a good idea to wash your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap before touching your eyes or genitals (or anybody else's).
If you're planning on doing a lot of play with your fingers in someone's ass, or if you want to avoid having to constantly leave for the bathroom to wash your hands, you might try latex "examination" gloves (available at most drug stores); just use a new set of gloves when switching from one person to another or when switching from someone's anus to their vagina, just as you would with condoms. Of course, whether you use gloves or not, some water- based lube will make everything that you do inside your partner feel better for him or her.
Using latex gloves is currently even less common than using barriers for oral sex (except when it comes to anal play), but in my experience most people who are aroused and attracted to you will happily go along with almost any safety standard or emotional need you articulate as long as they think they're going to get sex as a result.
Safer Sex Kits
It's helpful to get a little hip pack for your safer-sex supplies, your small bottle of water-based lube, pieces of paper to write your name and phone number on, and anything else you commonly need. Although safer-sex supplies are provided at some parties, it's still nice to know that you have with you the supplies and brands you prefer. Also, having what you need with you at all times will make it MUCH easier for you to maintain whatever safer-sex standards you have chosen.
Vaccinations
You may be interested in knowing that a permanent vaccine is available for hepatitis B. If you're planning on spending a lot of time in the swinging community (or any other lifestyle potentially involving lots of sex with different people), it might be worth your time to get this vaccination.
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